Positive births need processing too!

It is common practice after traumatic births to encourage people to share their birth story and process their feelings about their experience. What’s less considered is the experience of people who have positive birth stories, and how important it is for those stories to be shared and processed as well. 

Here’s my case in 3 bullet points. 

• Even positive birth stories have moments and elements that may need processing. As I was reminded of recently when I almost glossed over something significant with a recent doula client because her birth was so wonderful. Just because someone “got their dream homebirth” (VBAC, vaginal birth, etc), doesn’t mean there weren’t any moments during their experience where they may have encountered an experience of pain, fear, dismissal, overwhelm, etc, that may linger and continue to distress or haunt them. 

  
  

• Secondly, all too often we relate, (or are related to), in comparison with others. For example, your fast birth may occur to the rest of the world as a dream, while to you, it may harbor memories of terror. Your unmedicated vaginal hospital birth might be to someone else a triumph, while to you it feels rooted in regret over not being “strong enough” to advocate for the home-birth you longed for. We all deserve the space to feel our true and complete feelings; our disappointments, our shock, etc, even, and perhaps especially when to our external world and even ourselves, “we should be happy and grateful”.

• Third, in a world in which many feel wounded and traumatized by their birth experiences, the guilt over acknowledging and celebrating a joyful and ecstatic birth can easily be dismissed or thought of as boastful or insensitive. With that approach, where is one to turn if they want to celebrate themselves? If they want to shout from the rooftops with pride, “I did it!”

The truth is, with the constant stream of demands and needs placed on any birthing person in the immediate postpartum period, no matter how positive or negative the birth experience, there is little to no space to process the experience unless that space is taken.

If you are pregnant, newly, or even not so newly postpartum, I beg you to take it. Whether to ease the burden of carrying around any undigested pieces, whether in recognition of your whole experience in comparison to no one, and/or be it to fully honor your joy and pride. Take it.

I wanted to also offer this as a reminder to my fellow birthworkers as well as anyone approaching a loved one after giving birth, to hold space for all of it. From the hard parts of a great birth, to the great parts of a hard birth, and everything in between. 

If more support is needed, feel free to reach out. Perhaps Havening can help you or them fully process the experience, and/or harvest its fruits.

For those local to the Hudson Valley or NYC, a Closing of the Bones session could be the perfect way to honor and fully process your birth experience.