Words of Encouragement

Let’s talk “words of encouragement”. This fundamental comfort measure for people during labor may sound like, “You’re doing amazing”, “You’re so strong”, and “You can do this”.  

As birth supports, of course we want our people to feel empowered, strong, capable, and encouraged. But what happens when they don’t? 

To piggyback on my last post about how important it is for birth affirmations to be true for them to work, the same principle can be applied to our words of encouragement.

Ideally, we want to be mindfully attuned to our people in such a way that we make sure that we’re being authentically present and not doing the birth equivalent of “spiritual bypassing”. In addition to encouragement, we want to give space for honest emotional expression, even, and perhaps especially when it’s messy and not necessarily positive. 

When the birth plan changes. When your partner or client’s faith in themselves, their body, or birth itself wanes. When they feel discouraged or disappointed. It’s important that we give room for the tears, for feelings of weakness, for doubts and disappointments. We don’t want our “words of encouragement” to become words of suppression. 

With Havening Touch for Birthwork, we practice using the comfort and power of Havening to allow for both the full and authentic expression of feelings we may ordinarily reject or try to brush over, such as fear or insecurity. Perhaps ironically to the untrained mind, this is what actually makes way for a genuine renewal of confidence, acceptance, compassion, trust and faith to come through.

Let this be a reminder to check your words of encouragement before you speak. Does your person need to hear ‘they can do it’, or do they need a good cry over how hard and impossible it feels in a particular moment, while you simply listen, hold them, and bear witness? Do they need to be reminded of how strong and capable they are in this exact moment, or do they need a hot second to sit with permission to feel discouraged, disappointed, or scared?

Perhaps it’s better to think about this category of birth support as “words of authentic encouragement and affirmation”. This way we can practice being present and accepting of the full spectrum of human emotions, the “good”, the “bad”, and the “ugly”. If giving birth to a whole new life is not the occasion to give space for the full spectrum of human experience to be felt and had, then I don’t know what is!